Fifty Shades of Grey

So I took the time out today to watch Fifty Shades of Grey online. I'll admit, I've been intrigued to watch and possibly read. I mean, I was quite gutted that I was unable to take a trip to the big screen as it is an 18+ film. However after watching, I was left with the utmost rage and fury in every fibre of my body! Fifty Shades of Grey was not appealing to me at all, the story goes against everything I stand for and I can't help but rant about the utter disgust I feel about it.

First of all, the idea of romanticising abuse horrified me, making the unacceptable become accepted. It perpetuates the myth that women who are abused can change their abuser's behaviour if they simply just love them enough, obey them enough or submit enough. The insight on the abuser's behaviour is because they have had a difficult life, it is argued, as a loving partner they should understand it. From taking a look at key parts in the book to gather a "better understanding" (as many seem to arguably suggest) I noticed that the book removes a lot of responsibility for Christian's reactions. He isn't a person who has a will they can control, but a mere product of his experiences. He isn't responsible for how he treats Ana, as the myth goes, and if only she can love him enough, she can repair his broken past. This, of course, is absolute rubbish! The only person responsible for abuse is the abuser.

Fifty Shades of Grey cloaks the horror of domestic violence within clichés and metaphors, hiding the true nature of abusive power. By romanticising domestic abuse, it makes readers/viewers blind and numb to their reality - both in the fictional world and in reality.

To see why this blindness matters let's take a look at a few statistics:

• Somewhere between 60,000 and 85,000 women, and 8000 and 10,000 men are raped in the UK every year.
• One out of every three women has been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused in her lifetime.
• The CPS estimates that around a million women in the UK are victims of domestic violence each year.
• In the UK, an average of 2 women a week get killed by abusive partners or husbands.

A reminder: this is the UK we are talking about. These crimes stand as massive condemnations of our society: we are consistently failing both male and female victims of domestic violence (this review concentrates on female victims merely because of the plot of the book). We cannot afford for abuse to romanticised. We cannot afford to think that Fifty Shades of Grey is a cutesy culture phenomenon which we can laugh about! These stories go on every day in our communities, places of work, schools and towns. Christian Grey is the romanticised abuser, hidden in cliché and metaphor, clothed in a robe of words that make it difficult to discern what is going on as domestic abuse.

This is not a book about sex, it is a book that masks domestic violence, romanticises abuse and means that the issue of consent becomes even more cloudy in our society than it already is.

Valentines Day

Personally, I think Valentine's Day is highly overrated. Year by year on the 14th of February couples prepare for their date at the cinema, reservation at a restaurant, or any other activity that clings to societies expectation of what is ‘romantic’ – which isn't as easy as it used to be.

Specifically for us single ladies it’s safe to bet that Valentines Day will most likely consist of a similar version of one of the following. A) remaining alone and consuming our own body weight in Ben and Jerry’s, dedicating the day to our favourite cheesy, cliché romance films that we know deep down, we wouldn't subject ourselves to at any other time of the year – or B) inviting the gal-pals over to celebrate being independent women who "don’t need men" but somehow result the night surrounded by empty pizza, and tissue boxes, bawling our eyes out over the heartbreaking realisation that Noah Calhoun from The Notebook doesn't exist in real life. 

In other words - the 14^th of February is basically a night full of agonising reminders of the reasons why we aren't on a date right now. 

Moreover, a feeling of equality is lost. Valentine's makes gender stereotype acceptable on that particular day. A majority of men are expected to book the tables, get the flowers and surprise the girl. So not only is V-Day overrated but also against gender equality.

When I was younger, I used to think Valentine's Day was romantic, a day set aside for people to celebrate their love together, and I still do! However I came to realise as I got older how stupid that thought is. Every day should be a day to celebrate your love with another, not just on this specific day.

Oh, the pressure of gift giving. It's not just the singles, but couples have it bad too! I hate to pull a Sheldon Cooper here, but you're not giving a gift, you're giving an obligation. Not to mention the worry of what the gift you give says about your relationship. What if they get you a thoughtful handmade scrapbook along with expensive jewellery, and you get them an apple?

My advice to all the singles out there - don't beat yourself up over not having a date/significant other this year. Instead, wake the fudge up and remind yourself that all the leftover chocolate in stores will be cut down to half price tomorrow morning (no pun intended, I promise).